What Spiritual Ties are you Hoarding?
Not that long ago, in the midst of trial and tribulation, I found myself asking the Lord to fill me up. Fill me up oh Lord with more of you and less of me! Fill me up oh Lord with your grace and love! It is written in
Romans 15:13, May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
But the joy and peace didn’t come. Instead I felt discouraged, as I so desperately wanted to be filled with the joy of the Lord, His peace, His love. So,why did I not have the joy and peace I asked for, that I so desperately craved?
Then the Lord revealed to me that I was a hoarder. What is hoarding?
Dictionary.com defines hoarding as:
a supply or accumulation that is hidden or carefully guarded for preservation, future use, etc.: a vast hoard of silver.
I was hoarding spiritual baggage. I was keeping it hidden in my heart, carefully guarded. I was bound, and in bondage to this spiritual baggage. I was filled with anger, bitterness, hurt, despair, grief, unforgiveness, anxiety, hopelessness, and worry. I was filled with and bound by this spiritual baggage. How could God fill me up if I was already full? He needed to empty me of the trash, the rubbish that was consuming me before He could fill me up with His treasures, His joy and His peace.
The problem was, I would tell myself I was letting go of these things I was hoarding, I would lay them down at His feet. But it was a lie. I would pick them right back up, holding them close to me. I was being swallowed up in my pain as I dwelled in unforgiveness, as I walked in despair and hopelessness. I was literally being crushed by my grief. And it was mine, all mine, and I was holding tight to it, allowing it to consume me. I felt justified in my suffering, after all it was a series of uncontrollable events that stole my joy like a thief in the night. Life as I had known it seemed irreconcilable. All the while begging God to take these things from me, yet clutching to them. I thought they were holding me, but that was the lie. I was holding onto them. I could let go anytime I chose. But I was hoarding them. Hoarding this whirlwind of destructive thoughts and emotions.
All I had to do is let go. And let God. But in letting go, I’d have to release my control and give it to God, to trust in HIM. Control was an issue even though at the time I did not realize it. I was frantically trying to hold on to the present, to fix the past, and secure the future. All on my own, through my thoughts, my words, and my deeds.
Isaiah 5:18 18 What sorrow for those who drag their sins behind them with ropes made of lies, who drag wickedness behind them like a cart!
I read a verse this week that I have read dozens of times, but impacted me in an entirely new way.
Luke 19:3-4 He tried to get a look at Jesus but he was too short to see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way.
The things I was hoarding in my spirit, the things that were piled so high that they were crushing me, those were the very things keeping me from Christ. I so desperately wanted to see Him, to feel Him in my mess, to reach out to Him. But even on my tippy toes, I couldn’t truly see Him, or hear Him because spiritual GARBAGE was piled high around me on all sides and falling in on top of me. Finally when I felt like I was at the end, when I felt that I would sink into the darkness of the heap surrounding me, that was when I truly let go. I was empty. At that moment God reached down through all the garbage and pulled me out. At that moment He breathed life into me, He filled me with His joy and His peace. I was lifted HIGH, high above the tribulation, high above the rubble and rubbish. High above the garbage. I felt full, from His grace, but I also felt exceptionally light, and high lifted. All in a moment, my God saved me. I am no longer walking in anger, bitterness, hurt, despair, grief, unforgiveness, anxiety, hopelessness, or worry. There is still trial ahead of us, but my God is mighty, and I will rest in HIM, because He is working all things for my good. I will seek Him in praise, and turn to Him in prayer, and trust in Him. I am amazed at the joy and peace that is overflowing in my spirit. I am hopeful for what is to come and excited to walk in newness in Christ.
I share this testimony in hopes that it will encourage others to find joy and peace in Christ. To encourage you to trust in Him and quit hoarding spiritual garbage. May God’s love and joy abound in you all the days of your life. Be Love!
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