It’s a Big Fat Lie!

Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but Words will never Hurt me…

This is a sign-song adage taught to children much like a nursery rhyme that can be traced as far back as 1862.

Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV)

²¹ Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

There is power in our tongue. There is power in the words we speak. Our words can create, build and restore. However they can also tear down, destroy and defile. Words can heal or they can inflict injury.

Growing up, I was a very introverted child. To say I was shy is an understatement! I was passive, and in all reality, I was trying hard to not be noticed. Each school year, the night before the first day of class, I would literally get sick to my stomach. I suppose you could call it social anxiety. The idea of “being seen” by all those unknown faces, possibly having to speak, or interact was frightening to me. I was smart. I performed well academically. I thrived on getting recognized by my parents for my good grades. But socially, well, the struggle was real.

However, I also had a compassionate, giving, and forgiving character. I was a peace maker. Truth be told, I possess a deep sense of empathy regarding others (which my husband jokingly refers to as my X-Men super power). This makes it easier for me (typically) to forgive others and understand others feelings, and the motives behind their actions.

So, this is where my story begins. This one particular year of grade school, I had a nemesis. We will call her “Angry Girl”, out of respect for her privacy, and because she genuinely seemed angry. Looking back, I don’t really remember her ever talking to me in class. But every day, every single day, on the walk home from school, “Angry Girl” would throw rocks at me. Almost all the way to my house. It was just a few blocks, but it seemed an eternity. And while throwing those rocks at me, she would call me names. Mean, hurtful names. I would never engage back. I remained silent. I would walk faster, eyes straight ahead as I cried and hurried home.

I told my dad about “Angry Girl” and the things she would say to me. He shared stories of social struggles from his own childhood to encourage me. My dad reminded me that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. He must have said that to me countless times over the course of that year. But it wasn’t true. The sting of the rocks that “Angry Girl” threw at me would fade, but her words cut deep. Her words had power over me. Not only did “Angry Girl’s” words injure my spirit and break my heart, they stole my value, leaving me feeling less. Less lovable, less wanted, less beautiful, and definitely less worthy.

My birthday is in April. That year I had a slumber party. My cousins, a couple girls from class, a couple friends from church, and a neighborhood friend were among the girls invited. My mom thought it would be a great idea to invite “Angry Girl” and extend the proverbial olive branch. She felt this would be a big step toward friendship. I personally believed handing “Angry Girl” an invite, was giving her yet another opportunity to degrade me, and no way would she even consider coming to my house. In addition, there was the little detail of me mustering the courage to approach her in the first place.

I placed the invite in “Angry Girl’s” cubby before she arrived to class. Yes! Interaction avoided. “Angry Girl” continued to throw rocks and sling insults at me every day after school. Then the big day came. I was so excited about my party. You can imagine my despair when “Angry Girl” showed up, unexpected. Believe it or not, she was pleasant, and seemed to have a great time. I instantly felt compassion for her. But then Monday came and “Angry Girl” was back.

I haven’t thought about “Angry Girl” much over the years. I’ve held no grudge toward her. But my relationship with her has impacted the way I relate to others. I am very careful with my words (typically). I fall short. However, I do strive to uplift and edify people. It hurts my soul when others are torn down by words. Sometimes I am guilty too. I am so thankful for God’s grace, His love and His Word. God’s Word is living and produces life. There is power and healing in His Word. It is through His Word that I have been made whole, my spirit lifted, my heart mended. It is in Him I have found my true worth. In Him I am more.

Proverbs 11:9  (NIV) With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors, but through knowledge the righteous escape.

Decades later, “Angry Girl” sent me a friend request on Facebook. Seriously! She didn’t look so angry anymore. Her entire profile, her photos and posts portrayed a “Sad Girl”. A girl who was lonely and lost. My heart broke for her. I saw a girl that is so loved by our Heavenly Father, in need of the joy and grace only He can offer. She needed His healing Word.

Proverbs 16:24 (NIV) Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

It’s easy to get caught up in our emotions. If we sow our words out of anger, jealousy, frustration, bitterness, un-forgiveness, we will reap the like. It is just as easy to sow love or kindness. It costs us nothing but we reap a bountiful, beautiful harvest when our words align with God’s Word. Remember that love is a verb, an action. Our actions should mirror our words. I am so thankful to have fellowship with friends who’s words are life-giving and sow love into me and my family. One day at a time friends. Be an encouragement one to another. Love the seemingly unlovable. Be Love!

Like, Subscribe, Share, and Comment! Share your stories of encouragement with us. We want to hear from YOU!